Bottled Water.

This morning I was driving to work, and listening to NPR. (Yes NPR. I know I am a gun-toting conservative, but my car doesn’t get AM reception. ) They had an interesting piece running on the difference between bottled water and tap water. It got me thinking.

I grew up in a small town that didn’t even meter the water until the late 80’s. It came right from the watershed above the town in the mountains. It was clear, clean, and cold in the summer. It was very free of chlorine and junk, and we all thought it tasted pretty good.  Not only that, but it was essentially free.

Recently Aquafina was forced to put on their labels that it was from a municipal water source. It didn’t come from magical fairy springs high in the mystical mountains of happy water land like they wanted you to believe. We ship in water from France… FRANCE PEOPLE!!! these are the people that gave us Floi Gras, (the liver of force fed geese, EWWW!) . They also assaulted the world with Citroen cars, stinky perfume(they call it “eu de tiolette” which I think translates directly into “odor of the toilet”), and they try to kill us with chocolate eclairs. They were also the cause behind the mass hysteria of “freedom fries”, wow was that a low point in history. Why, in the name of all that is unholy, would be want to drink their water?

The main stink behind all of it was to investigate why the bottled water industry was growing so fast. (some 33% in the last 10 years).  I don’t drink the stuff personally, It is just friggin water, I can get it from the faucet. The thing that got me thinking was, that the lady representing the bottled beverage industry was saying not to worry because the waste from the billions of water bottles only makes up less than half of one percent of all the waste in landfills.

Now I am no tree hugger, but even at 1/2 of one percent, statistics tell us we as Americans are dumping well over 4 BILLION pounds of empty bottles in landfills every year. Seriously, is that not retarded? Now consider that each bottle is NOT one pound… we will give them the benefit of the doubt and say it is 1/2 pound per bottle (it is way less, I promise) that means 8 BILLION bottles a year.  If someone were to collect all those bottles and recycle them in Oregon (or one of the other states on the side of the bottle,) at a nickle a piece He or She would have $400,000,000.00 in one year. That is right folks. One year of hard work would net you FOUR HUNDRED MILLION DOLLARS! That would almost pay the gas to get them to Oregon.

So we have some choices here folks….

1. Recycle

2. Drink tap water

3. Keep paying insanely stupid prices for water that is just as good as tap water and just chuck the bottles in the trash.

I am still scratching my head as to why this actually bothers me. I don’t normally drink the anti-corporation Koolaid,  but when I heard the lady on the radio defending the idea of bottled water with the 1/2 of 1 percent argument, that kinda bugged me.  It would be like someone in China saying that a mistake killed one percent of the population, but not to worry about it because 99% was just fine so there really was no impact to speak of.

So, I am going to boycott bottled water and stick to either good old tap water, or I will have to go back to my old digs and see if they still have some good mountain water I can put in some old jugs and bring to work with me. (not THAT kind of mountain water.)

A sad day for mullet wearing trailer folk all over the US.

Oh the inhumanity! This morning, Kevin DuBrow the lead singer for Quiet Riot was found dead in his Vegas home today.  All kidding aside, it just generally sucks when anyone passes away. The passing itself is nothing to joke about. Someone loses a father, son, family member, spouse, or friend.  All condolences to those close to Kevin.

Now… as for Quiet Riot, and that classic “Cum On Feel the Noize”… Well folks, it is pretty much open season. I feel even more justified and vindicated, because I AM trailer trash (minus the trailer,) and these guys are from my era!

I remember taking weight lifting and seeing all these huge guys pumping iron to the likes of these guys. Now, the fact that I was in weight training as a class, since I was maybe a buck fifty soaken wet is a whole other post in itself, but… the memories are as vivid as if it was yesterday.

What was (or is) it about drug ravaged rockers with long hair and spandex that made us say, “Gee, when I grow up, I want to be like that guy?” How many of these guys  on VH1’s “where are they now” drive me to pick up my bass again and try and put a band back together? Well, with the exception of Fleetwood Mac, and the short Guns and Roses reunion tour that featured bucket head… not too many.

Don’t get me wrong, when I was younger, I had the Ugly Kid Joe, and Poison songs blaring just like the next guy… but now that I am older, I am more interested in slowing it down with the likes of John Denver, (ok, maybe not that slow) and Tom Jones.  Something needs to happen, we need to boot these Emo freaks out of the mainstream and bring back music that means something… Like, “who put the Bomp in the bomp she bomp she bomp, who put the ram in the ramalama ding dang?”

Anyhow, rest in piece you hair rock icon. I hope there is a special heaven for you and the rest of us. One with cheap Canadian beer, fried foods, and shiny double wides with 67 Chevy Nova’s outside. I hope those cars have Krako stereo’s that won’t even push the 6×9 speakers we will have set on the the back package tray (because they look cooler there, than installed properly. ) If they do… I will proudly cruise the streets looking for Hot chicks in stirrup pants and airbrushed and beaded t-shirts.  Look for me, I will be the one in the fringed leather jacket, but only if there is a heaven.

Back to Work

It happened. I am working again. Unemployment was SO appealing to me, but…alas the lack of money, Uh… Not so much.

I have sold every aspect of the technical world. Wire, computers, servers, televisions, phones, more computers, and software. This makes me the perfect fit for my new job.

Yours truly is now the Director of operations for a company that imports freeze-dried fruit from Brazil. Um, what? Yeah… you heard it right. I am now importing freeze dried fruit from Brazil. Apples, Pineapples, Mango, Bananas, Persimmon (who eats those?) and soon to be Kiwi.

OK, so it sounds a little strange when you hear it but… I needed a job. Not really, ok really but… These things are really tasty! I figure with my contacts I may at least have a shot at this. I have people that know people, and I know people. The problem is those people know me and that is why I am not working for them.  But with those contacts, I end up with Costco, Frango (the mint people), weird tree hugger soy drink junk, and a few other people in my Rolodex.

Well, the good thing is, that I am able to work in an office, and I will be able to do my schooling while working here. (I hope.) Not only that, instead of eating junk food all day long, I will get fat on fruit instead. I may be chunky, but I will be regular.

So here I am, on company time, writing a short blurb in my blog, and listening to music. All the while I am trying to figure out how I am going to get truckloads of freeze dried fruit into circulation.

(A.D.D. side note:

I  work really well when I listen to music. I found the coolest website today. http://www.pandora.com/ is a site that when you sign up (for free), you can type in your favorite singer or group, and it will make a custom music station for you.

After an hour of Johnny Cash and related singers, I switched to the old Depeche Mode standby. I wandered on to Peter Gabriel, and am now listening to John Lennon (holiday) though Bing Crosby’s White Christmas is playing. (Yes, I know it really belongs to Irving Berlin, it IS one of my favorite Christmas movies….Oh man, do I ever feel weird for telling anyone that.)

I would suggest if you enjoy music, and you can listen to it at work or at home… this is the place to go. It is really cool.

Don’t Drink and Drive.

So a somehow ran across a new band. I don;t remember where I heard them, but I happened to write their name down and then two days later all I remembered was that I thought I kinda liked them, so I Googled their name and found them.

The band is Chris Kosa http://www.chriskoza.com/ .

So here is the story… I am a child of the 80’s and now married with 1 1/2 children.  One day on one of my ADD trips where I was supposed to be doing something else, like cleaning the house, or….hey is that a chicken out my window?

Anyhow, I was looking up the Pogues. Who knows why, but I felt driven to research the only guy that has a chance of doing more damage to his liver than Kieth Richards of the Rolling Stones.  Well, I found out the very night that I was looking them up, that they were playing in our fair city of Seattle.

I was upset to say the least. I would have pawned SOMETHING to be able to make it. Unfortunately I didn’t have enough time, since they were playing as I was surfing the net.

This has driven me, a lover of music to look up tour dates of all of my favorite bands, and when I discover a new one, to look their tour dates as well.  Well, I just so happened that Chris Kosa and his band were headed to the area the week after I looked them up. The bonus was, they were playing a free show. I was in!

So I loaded up the Jetta with my Brother-in-law, and our mutual friend, and headed to the Blue Moon Tavern in Seattle. Wow, what a dive. The place has been their for a hundred gazillion years. The ceiling was all water stained,(I hope it was water) and the place still had the lingering smell from the days when you could actually smoke in Seattle. Sometimes I miss those days. Not because I smoked myself, but because I always smiled in dumb bewilderment of the people that could barely afford rent, but could polish off a few packs of smokes ($5 each) and a bunch of fancy shmancy micro-brews (at about $5 a glass.) All I had to do was pay a cover charge and nurse a $3 soda all night.

To be quite honest, the opening band sucked. they had a guy that played a violin in the band, which is cool, except the guy had a part in every song. Again, not so much an issue, if you are a country band. It just doesn’t work with what they were trying to play. I was  going nuts. I wanted to run up there and run the violin out of his hands and give him a tambourine or something… anything… a kazoo, a triangle, even a cowbell?

Our job (evidently) while we waited for Chris and the band to go on stage (platform?) was to guard frat boy’s Beer pitchers.  We stood there looking at each other hoping that a free show didn’t mean, “they suck so we would feel bad for charging you.”

Well, they hopped up on stage and started playing. These guys were absolutely amazing.  They played so well together. Their singing was right on, and their playing was extremely tight. If I didn’t know better, I would have though they were pulling a lip sync number. These guys were great.  Even though the show lacked lasers and explosions… it had to be one of the most enjoyable sets I have heard…ever. 

Well, they finished the show and with a hearty round of applause, we left.  Walked back to the Jetta (which amazingly was still there,) and started for home.  All of a sudden a policeman pulled in behind me and I got “that feeling.” You have to know what I am talking about. The one you get in your spine that makes you feel like the witch from Wizard of Oz is running her long fingers up and down your spine. (what, that never happened to you?)

Well, the feeling was right… all of a sudden the lights on the police car were on, and I was pulled over.  Not only was I pulled over, but I was asked to exit the vehicle and walk along the sidewalk. Then I was asked to touch my nose….Yup, that is right. I was pulled over for drunk driving.  And this young cop, probably 10 years younger than me REALLY wanted to bust me. I guess it really messed him up when I couldn’t stop laughing. He couldn’t figure out why 3 Mormon guys would be at a bar and not be drinking. It didn’t help me, that I knew the guys were in the car laughing their heads off.  After finally convincing him that I was not on medication, alcohol, weed, crack, meth, uppers, downers, yellows, or children’s aspirin, he finally gave me a warning for a burnt out tail light, and we were on our way.

A quick and lively drive home brought us into town where, as soon as I turned the corner on the main drag, I was so thrilled to see a police car behind me. And sure enough… I was pulled over again. Do I weave that bad when I drive? So officer number 2 who was much older and more experienced checked to make sure I was not a big time criminal and told me to fix the tail light. In the car I hopped and now that I was laughing uncontrollably and probably actually was driving like a drunk from a combination of the tears in my eyes and the sore stomach.

We all made it home alive, and enjoyed a really nice concert. I would recommend this bind, but recommend to check your tail light before you go to see them. (passenger side, out for the last 2 years, never been bothered about it, until now.)

Networking 101

So you find yourself out of a job… What do you do? Well, hopefully these steps can help you find a job quickly.

1. Start making phone calls. Those friends, the ones you haven;t talked to in ages? They will probably think you want to meet them over lunch to discuss Amway. Make sure you make this clear from the beginning, or they will likely not show. This would be a bad thing. Think about it, you are out of work and hopefully they will have pity on you and foot the bill for lunch. ( I guess I did neglect to mention, that ALL discussions are done over lunch, I find Thai food to be the most productive.)

You need to qualify these folks BEFORE calling. Generally, you want to find people that have jobs the you are interested in.  If your old friend from high school lives in a small logging town in a trailer (experience talking here) you probably do not want to talk to them. (Unless eating from the McDonalds $1 menu and filling out an application at the same time is your idea of networking.) If however, you have friends that are high muckety mucks in Funland enterprises, an no I am not talking about the carnival people, I just made that name up, those are the folks you want to hook up with and swap stories from the old days.

2. Visit with old clients.  I have had customers in the past that either have hired me or knew people hiring. This can work for just about anyone… If you sell shoes at Nordstrom, or if you work at some corporate grind job, there is a good chance you have a contact in the outside world. Someone that you did business with often, and had a great relationship with. let them know you are on the prowl.

3. Grovel. I am talking some down in the mud, fake tears in the eyes, my grandma needs money for an operation kind of groveling. SO far it hasn’t worked well for me, but I did eat Thai food the other day.

4. Old Bosses. Look, it worked for me. I am headed back to a past job to open up a new arm of the company. My official title, (one I get to choose) is VP of Operations. Yeah, get this…. I will be running a start-up company that will be importing freeze-dried tropical fruits from Brazil. pretty sweet, huh?

What do I know about freeze dried fruit you ask? well, the answer is absolutely nothing… about as much as I know about Brazil. In all reality, a business is a business, and this is a game of who you know as well as what you know. I happen to have enough contacts in the food world to make a good go at this.

5. Go back to school. Global studies, Baby! No really, I figure with all the globe trotting I have done in the last 10 years; Taiwan, China, Chicago (no really, it is like a whole other place,) and other various and sundry large cities, Global studies with a minor in Business is right up my alley.  Who knows, maybe I can brown nose to teachers with my vast experience, dashing good looks, and manly charm, and trade some frequent flier miles for extra credit.

6. Don’t give up. Come on.. You had a job once. SOMEONE thought you had some valuable skills to offer the world. You can fool someone else into thinking that again.

 Lets be realistic, these aren’t the steps the “professionals” use. They are the ones I use, and for some reason, I find jobs.  Give it a whirl, and see what pops up.

When life gives you lemons…

Make fried chicken?

This brief reprieve from the world of the working has given me a little more time at home. This morning as I am sitting in my home office with my 3 yr old daughter in the other room watching television, I hear a rooster crow.

I thought it was a little strange, because roosters don’t generally live under the sea with Sponge Bob and Patric. I jumped up and went into the room and asked her if there was a chicken on the television, and she looked at me like I had broccoli growing out of my ears.

I heard an offending crow again, and so I ran to a few different rooms to look in the direction of the noise, and sure enough, the neighbors have 3 full grown chickens in their back yard.  These are a new addition, as they did not have 3 not fully grown chickens in their backyard previously.

They are a nice Asian family. Gary is pretty quiet, and his wife is a sweet lady. They have some pretty good kids, and until I shoot the chickens this afternoon, we have gotten along swimmingly.

I actually don’t mind chickens so much… OK, I am lying. I hate them. Chickens and Pigs are my least favorite of all animals. I would sooner have a poisonous snake roaming free in my house, but… this is not the point I was going to make…

I live in a small community of detached homes. (everyone thinks they are townhomes.) We own a nice little 3 bedroom 2 1/2 bathroom house that the 3 (soon to be 4) of us manage to run around in without getting in each others way too badly. I have my garage and my tools,(I have managed to claim space in the office, but this is disputed land, and depending on moods, can be like the battle of the bulge, where I am the losing side) and my wife has the rest of the house.

Our house sits about 6 feet away from a neighbor on one side, which is handy, because if I am out of toilet paper, If the neighbor and I both stretch our arms, we can pass a roll back and forth. Our yard, and the yards of subsequent neighbors are about the size of a first class postage stamp.

They are so small, that in order to feel a sense of accomplishment, I mow my neighbors lawn too. To mow front, back, and side yards, it takes me approximately 15 minutes with my human powered push-mower. You know, the old style one that  your grandpa used after he graduated from one of those Grim Reaper scythes.

I also live in the middle of the city.

All of these things combined makes for a VERY chicken-unfriendly place.

I am hoping that these are temporary additions to the family and they are for some community feast. (which I will happily take part in. )

I swear, this could only happen to me.