The definition of insanity…

Sure, there is the old adage of, “Insanity is the process of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results…” I got one better.

 The true definition of insanity is to start two companies, go back to school, and have a kid all at the same time. (2 kids total.)

 Well, I am trying… That week the baby was born was a little rough, and now I am behind in school. I hope I can get caught up this week. I need to send everyone off to Hawaii for a few weeks and then just work in a quiet house.

 I keep swearing that I am going to go into work early and work on school stuff afterward, but that isn’t working so well. Here is my day:

Get up at 9 am (because for some reason Alice, who I counted on as my alarm clock now sleeps that late, and since I had ZERO sleep the night before because of puking babies…)

Jump in the shower

Make a run for my car, returning to the house at least 3 times, because in my sleep deprived stupor, I have forgotten either my keys, my computer, my wallet, or any combination of the above.

Drive in traffic, and almost hit at least 3 people because I am either mad and road raging, or I start to dose off.

Get to work

Try to sneak in the door so the boss doesn’t realize how late I am.

Set up the laptop

Hope I don’t have any emails for the boss, as he never likes to deliver bad news in person, even though his office is right next to mine and I can wave to him from my seat, and talk to him through his door.

Pound on the keyboard, as I realize that I am supposed to be running this company and nobody will return my emails or phone calls.

Chew copious amounts of Trident “Tropical Twist” gum as an alternative to snacking on junk food that is making me fat. (I am havering at 200… Not so good.)

Drink water

Go pee

Repeat the last 2 items 5  or 6 times (this “diet” is crap, it doesn’t work. Maybe I should consult a dietitian instead of trying to make up my own “gum and water” diet. )

Type some emails to some friends

Check my facebook to see if anyone left comments about my baby

Look up some info on products I am supposed to be selling

Check my email

Check my school site

Do a little homework, but keep business sites open so I can flip to them if I hear the boss stir from his nap.

walk around the office to stretch my legs.

Go into the conference room and make a call or two about a totally unrelated project I am working on, and hope nobody hears me.

Make a call or two to people that I am actually supposed to be talking to,  in a desperate attempt to make it look like I did something constructive.

Go to talk to the boss and share this “amazing milestone” so he thinks I worked today.

Leave for home about an hour early, even after getting to the office late. (Hey I worked)

Drive for an hour and a half to get to a place that is 15 minutes away.

Pull into the driveway at home, and realize I forgot a whole bunch of stuff at work. (usually my phone, or something I had printed on the printer that had to do with guns or something.)

Unlock the door to the house to find everyone asleep.

Sit on the couch and try to read the assignment that we will cover in class that night.

Get distracted because my oldest daughter wants to play littlest petshop.

Get even more distracted because she is not interested in playing littlest pound where the mean vet wants to euthanize all the animals.

Chose between leftover Chicken, Pizza, or something else in the fridge because I have to eat and then run off to school.

Fall asleep.

leave for school.

Come back because I forgot my books

Drive like a bat out of hell so that I am not late to my school, because there is a 40 year old nerd in my law class that is trying to get a good grade by kissing up and trying to make himself look good, and I don’t want to look like a chump getting to class late.

Ask lots of questions so that the professor will slow down enough to let me write the notes that I am a page behind on.

Take the quiz he hands out.

Fail said quiz.

Run out to my car.

Fight for pole position against all the other kids going to school and driving ricers and gunning engines in the garage. ( at least one will come close to hitting me as they drive through the garage. )

Drive home, racing at least 2 different people from school that insist that the 2007 Honda with an airfoil on the back is faster than my 1996 VW Jetta with 150k miles on it.(well duh?)

park the car, realizing that I got a really dumb question on the quiz wrong, knowing that I did in fact know the answer.

go in the house (at 10:30 at night) hoping to get a few minutes of quiet to do some homework.

Realize that I will not be getting any quiet moments, because my daughter now has gotten up to go “potty” for the 20 millionth time time.

Hold the new baby

Discuss my wife’s hard day with her.

Put everyone to bed.

Turn on Tivo and watch the programs I missed while at school.

work on homework at the same time

Fall asleep 10 minutes into tivo programs and homework.

Wake up at midnight (45 minutes later) because I have to change the baby

Give up on homework and staying awake, and lay down in bed.

Not be able to sleep because the baby sounds like R2D2 at night making all sorts of weird noises as she sleeps

Finally fall asleep

Wake up 45 minutes later to change the babies diaper…again

stay awake listening to the R2D2 sounds again….

finally fall asleep

Wake up at 9am because The oldest has finally decided to join the living and now wants to watch Dora. Of course this must be done in bed… with mom and dad.

Jump out of bed and tear into the shower realizing that for the 2nd week in a row, you will be at least an hour late for work….

Rinse, repeat.

Insanity…