What is happening to me?

200 lbs, slightly balding, 2 kids, broken car, needs vacation…. Sounds like a bad personal ad.  I wish that were all it was.

 Seriously, did I actually sign up for all of this? Was there a heavenly form that I skipped so some angel with a vendetta secretly entered a host of trials into the computer knowing that it would throw me for a loop?

It has been not just one of those days, but one of those weeks. The kind where you are sitting a work, and you just wish in your head that your body would give out and you would fall on the floor in convulsions so that you can go to the hospital for a few days… I don’t want anything real bad to happen, just a few days to get my brain back together.

Here is me, getting organized.

1. open computer

2. pull up Excel Spread Sheet.

3. Ignore spreadsheet and start surfing the Internet.

4. Find a topic that I remembered was interesting to me 10 years ago and do a master’s degree with of research on it.

5. 4 hours later realize that you blew a ton of time.

6. reopen the spread sheet.

7. Forget what the spread sheet was for in the first place.

8. Start surfing the Internet for cool hacks that Microsoft secretly put into the program so you can pretend to know what you are doing.

This has happened for the last 2 weeks… almost every day. I am now behind in my schoolwork, and like a moron, I signed up for another 15 credits.

When I slow down long enough… I realize that it isn’t something I can’t handle. I mean, there are 24 hours in a day, and I only need about 6 hours of sleep.  A little organization and the occasional,”no, I don’t think I am going to have time to do that for you,” would put me in a much better situation.

I actually thrive on last minute deadlines. I in fact love them. I think I do my best work that way. The problem is, that if I happen to miss the deadline even by a few minutes, I get this general feeling of dread… It starts off with frustration and then into anxiety, then into attempting to brush it off back to anxiety… then all of a sudden, all of the other things I need to do come piling onto my shoulders and I feel overwhelmed.

It doesn’t freak me out too much, but sometimes… just sometimes I wish that I could win the lottery or a rich relative would die so that I could just focus on school and have the money thing covered.

It is a combination of things… and if I am busy, I don’t think much about it. but as soon as I have time to start thinking about it all… it just piles up. And fast too.

So here I am organizing my week so that I can catch up on all my school work. I think I have it all figured….hey, did you know that the 66 VW bug was the only one to come standard with a 1200cc single port engine and was the last year for… and oooh, I can get a deal on an ipod!