Sorry honey, I found someone else.

That is right, you heard me. I found someone that can fulfill my wildest dreams. To drown myself in butter and southern cuisine.

 For years now, I have been trying to figure out how to get rid of that salty old boat captain she is married to.  This could possibly be the LUCKIEST guy in the world. Not only does he have the Rock of Gibraltar hanging from  his ear, but he also has the undisputed Southern Queen of cooking on his arm.

I myself would love nothing more than to eat myself to death on that sweet buttery goodness that she cooks on my television. I swear she is magic. She is the one of the few people that can turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse.  Rumpelstiltskin move over, this woman can do better than turn flax into gold, she can turn my heart to mush.

Let me qualify my slobbering by saying that I spent 2 years in Southern Georgia and Northern Florida. Of all the food I have tasted in the world, and believe me, I have tried some great stuff, Southern food is my absolute favorite. To hear her talk about bowled (boiled) greens and fried okra is like slapping a big frosty mug of beer down in front of an alcoholic.

Don’t tell my wife, I have to find a way to break it to her easy. It will take some time for me to decide the best way to break it to her. In the mean time, I went to the bookstore and bought her the Lady and sons second cookbook.  I can’t seem to get her to talk in a southern accent though.

Paula Dean, I promise to compliment you on your cooking, and eat everything you cook. (except raw oysters, the jury is still out on that one.) If I could write our vows, I would promise to love your food; in sickness, when you would make me homemade chicken soup, and in health, when you made me a Georgia Peach smoothie; For richer, when you would take me on a tour of the south to eat your favorite southern foods, for poorer, when you cook black-eyed peas and collard greens (with hushpuppies), till an early death by cholesterol poisoning do we part. (then you can go back to Captain Ahab.)

You forever shine in my heart, at least for a half an hour a day.

If any of you need me, I will be in the garage downing a bottle of Barbecue sauce.