Dear Environmentalists…

So… Beavers illegally logging, eating camels and kangaroos, what is next?  Seriously, these are headlines form the last few days in which these people are freaking out about some of the dumbest things.

I am not sure what you folks do for a living, but evidently the whole economic downturn isn’t effecting you much. If it is, you aren’t letting on.

In the town where I grew up, you guys came in and whined about the spotted owl. You killed the economy. It was a logging town, and that is what we did. We cut down trees, and those trees were tuned into lumber. The lumber was used to build homes. When that whole whiny explosion happened, it ruined our town.

I recovered, but there were a whole lot of folks that didn’t. Even in the housing boom, my little town didn’t boom very well. Well, now we are all in trouble. Job losses are at an all time high. The economy continues to tank, and you fruitloops are still hollering and screaming that we have to save the world…  Somehow, regardless of the income of the average American, you insist that we walk softly and plant flowers everywhere we go. You know, i have to be honest with you. Right now, I am just trying my best to make sure that my family is taken care of. Spotted owls, and yellow salamanders be damned.

Now I am not going to dump the oil from my most recent oil change into the gutters or anything, but you know what? I am not going out of my way to use recycled materials, go green, and eat organic. I am going to buy what is cheap. I don’t care if something I eat causes some bird to lose an acre of land, not today.

I am happy, when times are good, to help out a little. Right now I think it might be a good time for Obama to lay off that whole promise of a greener administration. I am thinking that the money it would cost to go green would be better off spent on other things.

I know, fish sparkle nice, and baby monkeys are cute. I really like wildflowers, and I think mountains are pretty. I think that in general, folks aren’t out to wreck the world. I think, that it is probably time to stop worrying about flatulent cows and kangaroos, and focus on the effect of no jobs on our fellow man.

In this time, when things are so tough, it is time to focus on getting everyone through this slump. Once the money comes in, it would be awesome if we worried about bovine farts, but for now… not so much.

If it happens that you are able to focus your efforts on saving the endangered prarie dog because you have plenty of money, well, maybe you aught to worry about the endangered family.

Working for yourself.

  I have decided, that I hate bosses. Not the people themselves, though I have had a few that I won’t invite over for after dinner snacks, but the position. It’s not so much the fact that I have someone that is trying to rule my life, It is just that so far, I have had bad luck with having to deal with inept people trying to do a job they aren’t qualified to do.

  I give up! My solution, is to be my own boss. That is right, I am going into business for myself. Ok, only temporarily, while I am looking for work I have picked up some side-work doing construction.

  I still have a real jerk for a boss. This guy is lazy! Man, I wish he would just get off his rear end and do stuff he is supposed to get done.  He pays for crap, and the tools he gives me to work with are marginal at best.

 Ok, not really. I am just grateful I have work right now. It is tough out there. I have found, that I have a problem.

  Construction workers are tough. I can carry 5-2×4’s at a time, and hoist 4×8 sheets of 1/2 inch plywood up on a roof. I used to be a skinny little flower, but in my old age, I have gotten some meat on my bones. I have spent the last few months growing one of those little miniature goatee thingys under my bottom lip, so when I wear a beanie and sunglasses, I look super tough.

I listen to Def Leppard really loud and drink caffeinated coke. I also have my work belt all full of tools. I really look the part. If I had an Indian and a sailor, I would make a very convincing construction worker.  Once, I even had a band-aid on my finger, and it has to be convincing when I forget my pencil in my hat and I walk into the hardware store. I am, as far as anyone is concerned, a bonified construction worker/carpenter.

  I am totally going to lose my street cred. Seriously, I envy those guys in their trucks. I have some serious truck envy. Do you have any idea what can happen to a guy that pulls up to the hardware store in his Jetta? I am building a friggin house, and I am trying to drive around with copper pipe hanging out my back window. I am the nerd of the construction community.

  I really need a truck. Plywood on the roof of a Volkswagen? You have to be joking me? I am the butt of the all the jokes as I drive by McDonalds at luck time. I can;t even show my face at the mobile lunch wagon.

  Oh well, what do you do, right? I guess I could always ask my boos to spring for one, but he is a real jerk.

Management

 

Thus far in my life, I have yet to be in the presence of a really good manager.  I would like to think that I am one, and everyone else sucks at it, much like I consider myself an ace driver in the freeway and everyone else sucks. Something tells me that may not be true.

 I could be wrong I suppose, and whether a manager is good or not depends on your view. If the manager works for you, then your idea of a crummy manager may be one that does not produce. The details are not so important, as long as the results are there. However, if you are the one being managed, prepare to be miserable or not.

My management style… weekly meetings as a group with some goal setting.  Individual meetings as the week progresses to follow up if need be.  Basically, the person doing the job should not need their hand held, right? I mean you hired them to do a job they were supposedly qualified to do… if they can’t do it, then you find someone that can.  Am I way off base here?

Not my management style but the one I am continually subjected to… constant  follow ups (many each day) with detailed emails or phone calls of how exactly I should do things.

Now this is strange, because when I do it left to my own accord, not only do I get great results, but I get compliments from others. When I do it on the managers terms, it just gets done. That is it, nothing more, nothing less.

Maybe it drives me nuts right now because I am back in school.  I figure if the teacher gives me a project to do my a certain date, it is up to me to do it, and do it well by that date. If I am unclear on something, then it is my responsibility to ask questions and get clarification.  If I choose to start on it 2 hours before it is due, and I can do a good job, then it really shouldn’t matter all that much. The teacher only needs to see the end result. If the end result is garbage, then It will reflect in my grade.

Business should be the same, but for some reason, it isn’t. Are there just too many Managers in the world?

Here is one example from my former days at one of the most stressful jobs I have ever had. (stressful because of a totally inept manager.)

7 am: Call from Manager asking me what the plans are for the day.

9 am: First appointment

10 am: call from Manager asking how 9 am appointment went, and plans for the next appointment along with lengthy discussion about what I thought I could improve, and what I may have left off the order that I closed.

11am: another appointment

12pm: You guessed it, another phone call from the manager, going over the same things again

1pm: another appointment

2 pm: another call from the manager going over the same stuff, and reminding me where I am for the month, and where the difference between bonus and the ability to keep my job are.

3pm: Paperwork while on the phone with the manager

4pm: Another call from my manager asking me what tomorrow’s goals are.

5pm: finish the paperwork because the manager was calling me so I couldn’t finish it.

6 pm: I am supposed to be eating dinner but the phone rings. You guessed it. It’s the manager wondering if I have a “plan” for tomorrow.

7pm, (no joke) voicemail telling me that we had a good day.

You might think I am exaggerating, but this is actually how it happened. This guy was an absolute idiot.

My experience: Inside sales 6 years, outside sales 7 years, Dir of sales 3 years… (I actually ran sales organizations in 3 different countries.)

My managers experience (not even kidding): Manager at a PayLess Shoes. Manager of a Best Buy store, promoted to “Outside Sales Manger”.

You have got to be kidding me, right? I have negotiated multimillion dollar contracts with fortune 100 companies.  This joker sold shoes.

When I was in the interview, he asked me if I had any questions. I did. Everyone should have them.  If you walk into an interview and they ask you if you have any questions and you tell them, “no”… they should never hire you. It means you haven’t given the job any more thought than to get up and put a tie on to go to the interview.

One of my many questions was, “how would you describe your management style?” His answer was, “Mostly hands off…” Yeah right.  This guy was SO terrible at managing people, that I actually broke down and asked the Dr. for anti-anxiety medication. Not only that, but 3 other people did the same thing.

The company was so terribly brilliant, that their answer to the problem…was to promote the guy. Great, at least he is out of our hair, right? Well, we need to replace him, so who will we replace him with? That is right… a retail manager. Never mind that as they interview me and look at my resume they tell me that they are impressed and want my experience to help develop this new arm of the company. Uhm… hello, outside sales manager, right here? Duh?

So… I left. My anxiety left, and so did the rest of the sales force. The idiots has spent millions of dollars to develop this program and it fell flat… all because of really bad management.

Fast forward to today… I spent the last 6 months developing a business plan, and in R&D for a new company. It is a grocery company. We make fruit snack things… all natural and healthy like. I am a good salesman. I am a really good salesman. I have surpassed many a quota in my day, but I do it my way. I don’t like to sell like a sued car salesman. That being said… the grocery business is a totally new animal. I am WAY out of my element here.  There are brokers and distributors, slot fees, and buying groups. This is nuts!

The answer…To hire a sales manager.

This is fine, I asked for one. No, I begged for one. So they got me one.

Unfortunately they forgot to tell her that she was a sales manager, and not a company manager.

I have been spending time with her trying to learn the nuances of the grocery business, and today I went out and visited some places on my own.  I wasn’t afraid before, I just had no idea who to talk to or even ask for. I am good to go now.

I walk into the store, talk to the manager, and the salesman mode kicks in. I find out the person that is the buyer and how to get into this place and I come back to the office. I show the sales manager the information and get this in an email reply.

“Please contact this woman by the end of the business day today [Friday] as all buyers check their emails on Monday morning. Please let her know that we are local, we will deliver, we are Kosher, and that we will pay for promotions.

Also include our company name, address, website, and your phone number and extension. I would also appreciate it if you could copy me on this email so that I can keep track of it.”

 

Uhm, really? People read emails in the morning? WHOA… new concept.  You have all the details that you want, YOU write the damned email.

Seriously, we are going to have a spirited talk here real soon and I will explain to you in detail what you job is.  It won’t be friendly.

1. you aren’t my manager.

2. If you were my Manager, you would be a very poor one.

3. Micromanagement is not effective to employee morale.

4, I know you are excited, but lets focus the excitement in a productive way. trying to manage me, is not so productive. (I started the company, remember?)

I am not so worried at this point, because it seems to be just a misunderstanding. It will all get cleared up. But let me give you some help… remember the school story?

If you need help, let me know what you need, and when you need it by. That is all I need. walk away. If your demands are unreasonable, I will let you know, and we can come up with something that we can agree on.

If I get stuck, I will come to you. You do not need to come to me. Nor do you need to give me a step by step process of how you would like it done. If you are going ot put that much effort into it, you may as well do it yourself.  If I tell you I will get it to you in a week, I will see you in a week. If you walk into my office and I am not working on it at that very moment… march your butt back out and wait until I get it done. We agreed on what I would do and when I would finish it. You will get it on the agreed date.  If you would like to add to that load, that is fine. We will need to have a discussion on how well it fits into the current schedule.

If you need help with something YOU are working on, my door is open. Ask whatever you want and I will do my best to get you where you need to go. If however, you are coming in to ask me about the status of something we have agreed you don’t need yet, you would do better to visit the employee lounge. Leave me alone.

If the time comes that you need what you asked me to do, and it is not done… I should have come to you at some point and told you that it wasn’t going to be done on time and I would have some reasons. If none of those things happen, then it is time to take it up to the next level. If in fact you were my manager, then you can start the discipline process. Fire me, or whatever.

Also… you job is sales. It is not “design changer person”, or “ignore the foundations of the product” guy and “just take whatever crap the manufacturing facility sends us” person.  You sell stuff. You manage the sales of stuff. You job is to facilitate the movement of money for goods.

That “/operations” part of my “sales/operations” title means that I do things that are not related to what you do. When I write the graphic designer, you do not need copied on that email. When I write product reviews to the production facilities, you can see them, but you don’t get to have input. You take what we make and you get it into the market. If you thought it sucked to begin with, you should never have taken the job.  And just because you want something and YOU think it is good enough, it doesn’t mean that it is.  It has to meet my standards… (remember that “operations” thing?)

So all of you readers (all 3 of you)… If you become a manager, Manage, or do the work yourself. Don’t micromanage. It pisses off the employees, and it makes for frustration. Frustration = stress, and stress means you will have people calling in sick just to avoid you.

Tell them what you expect, and expect them to do what they are told. If you are a sales manager, Your guys aren’t retarded. they know they have a job to do.

I am glad I only have to answer to the boss… The best part is, I have all the information on how the product is made. If I go… I go bye bye to the highest bidder.

You know what… the world would be a better place if everyone managed like me!